Grown So Ugly

"Time Conquers All"

That statement is soo depressing. Everyone hates time, whether they be running late, cursing time for mot making them on time, people leaving, hating time for not giving them more.

Ontop of that, Time makes us ugly.

Thats right, were all gonna end up like the picture above. There go your good looks. All that time at the gym, the thousands you've spent on tooth paste, shampoo, make up, ect, all for not.

But Time isn't entirely cruel, it gives us a few years in each of the following:

Birth - 2 y.o:

Behold your cutest years, even if you were an ugly baby, no one would dare say that around you or anyone who may tell you when you grow up. So relax, sit back, pull a funny face and hear everyone say how gorgeous you are.

3 - 6:

You skin has now formed to your body, congratulations, prepare to learn the joys (and horrors) of getting your hair cut and styled, deciding what would be fantastic with that wiggles shirt, and for the girls (and depending on how mean your parents are, some boys) learning how to hide behind make up.

7 - 14:

Notice the larger gaps? That means Time is gonna start putting you through the hard yards. Now, school, magazines, TV, Internet, are going to introduce you to the Do's and Dont's of fashion, and with each progressive year, your going to worry more and more about how you look, how others seem to recoil from you, and how mirrors seem to shatter before you get a good look. Yes, entering high school brings all these things, and the further you go...

15 - 18:

The worse it gets, boys don't look at you and girls seem offended if you try talking to them. That's right up till you 17, at which point you've usually matured enough to not give a shit anymore (even if you haven't just tell everyone you don't). You may also notice hair growing in odd places, don't worry about it, there's more to come.

19 - 25:

This is it, the last years that you will ever look young and beautiful, after this its just "Umm, I'd say your in your late 20's, early 30's". Time to soak up all the love and attention you can get. You'll find yourself in allot more photos, and they actually be good one (at least to you, their actually not that good, but your so overcome with grief that you'll never look like that again you don't notice). Most guys and girls wont let themselves be tied down for most of this period, as its sorta like a big farewell, "Hey, this is 23 year old me, I'm leaving in 2 years, wanna root?"

Most people will be entering longer term relationships nearer the 25 mark, Time is taking away your looks, leaving you with one less item to attract the opposite sex. Girls are still alright, as they've got boobs and butts to entice guys. Men are screwed, they've only got either a great personality (which is hard to show off then boobs) or enough beers for them to not care.

25 - 30:

Its gonna be okay, you've had your looks sky rocket for the first 25 years of your life, now all that's left to do is sit back, take a deep breath, and watch Time take the next 50 or so years of your life, and send you on a gentle downward slope of ugliness. Take these years, and enjoy them, this is the best time of your life to meet people and not get confused by there ages. With bother the younger and older people trying to get into (or back into) the 20 - 25 mark, everyone in this age bracket is nice and relaxed, ready to mingle with people the same age.

30 - 40:

Yes, Time has now broken up changes even further, now giving you shitty spanning a decade. Now most of you will be fine, unless your still clinging on to your looks, in which case you'll be trying to blend in with the young crowd, out in the night clubs, on the dance floor. Trust me, the only thing more depressing then someone who cant accept their age, is that person going out and showing the younger people whats going to happen to them in a few years. Its time to let go, if your still really desperate, get your wife, have a baby and live through it, by putting them into a beauty pageant when their 4, everybody wins!

41 - 50:

This the period where Time begins to take away you sight/hearing/hair or all 3 (you poor poor thing) and is also when your age start to become the butt of jokes. "Could you pass us the salt, can you see the salt, get you glasses. Har har har!". You may experience a mid-life crisis, buying a Ferrari, Boat or other large items are clear signs of these, however, their nothing wrong with this as no one is getting hurt or disturbed, but just keep in mind: we can all see through it, you don't look any younger, you just look like someone going through a mid-life crisis, making you look even older.

51 -60:

Well, your in your 50s. Seems like such a long time since you looked good. the best compliment you'll get now is "Noooooo, your not 50/60, you look like your still in your 40s" or "Wow, you've aged gracefully". ... ... Those aren't compliments, they suck, who wants to be reminded of their mid-life crisis, or think of themselves exactly the same, but with wrinkles?

61 - 70:

Time has no truly taken your looks and your memory. If your lucky you'll only remember yourself as young and good looking, if not people will remind you.

71 - Death:

Well, Time has come to end it. Time may give you dementia, in which case you may believe your back in you 5 - 25 period, which will be a nice flash back, that is until you get really depressed when it passes. And as you draw your last breath, time and nature will have fun with your body, decomposing your flesh, shriveling you up and growing your hair and nails ridiculously long. Of course you could always get cremated, cheating Time and Nature of their fun.

But don't fret, cause people who talk about you will always remember your good looks. Even while their the ones growing ugly.

Fuck you Time.

We have no need of you in this Modern Day.